As I went down in the river to pray...

Studying about that good old way
And who shall wear the starry crown
Good Lord, show me the way.

Maybe it's something about the flowering dogwoods or the way the night air seems stilted and endless, but I'm drawn back to one year ago. I was graduating. I was anticipating. I was life. And now, ending my first year of teaching. I feel the exact same. Even though I know exactly what next year hold for me, I can't help but feel like I'm on the edge of my life, about to leap into the unknown.

I know that for the last nine months I've kept telling myself that it's too soon to think about what comes next, but it's not. I can't help but think about what comes next. When the other teachers at my school ask me if I'll come back for a third year, I can't help but stew over the next few years of my life. I'm not sure yet. But I know that I need to start thinking about it. I need to start planning. As much as I want to and need to stay in the moment, I have to think ahead.

As I spoke last week with a good friend who went into a program similar to Magis, I couldn't help but be thankful I applied to Magis. He teaches in Florida. I'm sure I would have loved living somewhere else for two years. I hope to one day spend some time outside of Nebraska. But I'm thankful I'm in Nebraska now. I'm thankful that the work I'm doing feels close to home. I'm thankful that teaching at this school feels like cultivating my future as well. Nebraska is home. I'm quite certain that will never change. I think I could joyously explore the rest of the world and still never feel the same comfort and happiness I feel when I'm here.

We have 12 days of school left. It's hard to believe. So many things are hard to believe.