What's the difference between a Jedi and Jesuit?

Nothing.

I can't believe I'm almost halfway done with my summer classes. In a week I'll be finished with half of my classes. Unfortunately, I'll be done with the easy half. The tough stuff starts in July.

This is my last week at the Jesuit middle school. That's been a really interesting experience. I've learned a lot about working with middle school students - the group I'll be working with next year. I've learned what to do and even some things not to do.

My childhood development class has been incredibly interesting. I've seen way more births on tape that I've ever wanted to. I've had never-ending discussions about, well, everything. On Friday we went to a center in town for children who have been abused. The center combines child protective services, police and medical interviews into one interview, reducing the amount of stress on the child. The speaker told us about addressing the issue of child abuse and the possibilities of child abuse in our classrooms in the future. And it was scary. Scary to hear about the very real problems facing children and scary to realize that I will likely deal with such issues sometime in the future.

Tonight we had Mass with Fr. Tom. Fr. Tom was ordained a priest 8 days ago. How cool is that? This was his second Sunday Mass ever, and he'll be saying Mass for us the next couple of weeks. His nephew asked him the question I posed in my title. His answer: Nothing. I think I like this guy already.

This week I'll write my second paper in graduate school. I'll finish my second class. I'll cook a delicious Middle Eastern meal of hummus and falafel and pita. Mmmmm.... hummus. Then I'll go visit a wonderful friend over the weekend. Then one glorious, glorious week at camp. You see, I have a week off of school, and I'm determined to make the most of it. I'll cap it all off by camping out over July 4th weekend. Does it get any better, people? Does it get any better?

Super Iggy Warrior King

I'm making friends.

For a long time, I thought that was going to be the hardest part. It was hard. It's still a little hard. But there are going to be a lot of hard parts. And I haven't even started teaching yet. I still don't even know how to make a lesson plan.

Every week we have faith sharing in small groups. Basically, we all go around and just talk about how we are. It's a strange thing to get used to if you haven't done anything like it before. And for the most part, I haven't. But, I feel like I have people holding me accountable for the things I'm struggling with, for the things that are going to be hard. Over the week I felt like I got over the initial fear I had of getting to know people. But there are so many other things I need to work on.

I think what helped the most was the realization of the true spectrum of spirituality that is in our group. There are people who go to Mass daily and have an extremely strict adherence to the Catholic moral code. And there are people who aren't that comfortable at mass, who have a lot of unanswered questions when it comes to God and Catholicism and life. And there are people everywhere in between. What unites us is our desire to teach children and our desire to learn more about ourselves spiritually. And that's really cool. The first two weeks, that spectrum was hidden below people walking on eggshells (myself included): Who do these people expect me to be? Who do I want to be? But the answer is - myself. And that is freeing. That is making everything so much easier, and I don't know why it took me two weeks to figure it out.

To foster this spiritual growth, we've been talking about prayer. To be honest, I don't know if I know how to pray. I sometimes get uncomfortable in church. I have a hard time focusing long enough to pray. My mind goes everywhere. I mentioned this to someone, and the response I got was really wonderful. Praying isn't really about taking a ton of time out of my day to reflect or worship God. Life is a prayer. By opening my door, by getting to know people here, by learning more every day about my vocation to teaching, I'm creating a new and stronger relationship with God.

Finding God in all things - It's another one of those Jesuit charisms. And it's what I'm really depending on/thinking about right now. Because if going to class, sharing time with new friends and sharing this experience with all of you can fall into that category of prayer, it makes the whole concept a lot less scary.

For the first two weeks, I was just wasting a lot of time. I was wasting time moping, worrying, avoiding people, being afraid. And I don't know if I can blame myself - the realization that I'll be a teacher in two months, with little to no training is a terrifying thing. But now I need to work past that. I need to embrace the support group that has been handed to me in a neatly wrapped package. Instead of simply wasting time, I need to do what I do best. I need to start wasting time gracefully - by going to wing night at the moon, by 1 a.m. visits to Village Inn, by walks downtown in the humid and wonderful afternoon. Wasting time gracefully (isn't that an awesome phrase, I had never heard it put that way) is what I've always been good at.

A prayer for serenity...

(I started breathing again today. Everything is as it should be.) 

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Enneagram

Today we had our retreat. I scraped myself out of my bed this morning to go to Mass at the crack of 10:30, the burden of my first graduate school paper looming over my head. We spent the most of the rest of the day in the warm shade of the Jesuit gardens behind the chapel. The seminarians sat on the skirts of the grass in silent retreat as we discussed our enneagram types. Enneagram is similar to Myer's Briggs or Strengths finder. I'm a two - the helper (although I feel like I have a strong inclination toward seven - the enthusiast.)

At first, I didn't want to be a two. Twos sounded so needy; they sounded like pushovers. But then I read about "healthy" twos. An unhealthy two was the kind I didn't like, and I think I didn't like it because of how many negative aspects of my past self I saw in it. But it was accurate. I've worked for years to get rid of my unhealthy two inclinations. But a healthy two really has it going on. Mother Teresa was a two. Now, I'm no Mother Teresa, but to be linked by how our personalities work is pretty cool. Things that make me know I'm a two - I value my relationships with people above most other things; I forgive easily; I believe love is not give and take... love is give; I am at my best when I am serving others. And even the negative things, they're a part of me too.

I'm not a huge fan of personality tests. I think they tend to box people into these nice little categories, and I don't think people fit in nice little categories. People are messy. But I appreciated how our director explained this one. Enneagram has nine categories, and each person has some of each number. She said that understanding our most pronounced number helps us understand our shortcomings with that, helps us take a deeper look at our motives behind doing what we do. I still want to read more about it, but it was interesting. Here is a link to the test that I took.

Tomorrow I start aiding at the Jesuit middle school, and I also start a new class. Wish me luck.

Also, I can't even begin to explain to you how good the food is here. I know that shouldn't be a big deal, but I've never eaten healthier in my life. We cook community meals, and everything is organic and fresh and healthy. For example, today for lunch we had a salad bar with greens from the farmer's market and tons of vegetables. For dinner we had traditional Nepali food (all vegan). It was so delicious. Honestly, invite me over, I'll cook it for you.

P.S. - I finished my paper. Now time for bed.

My own little corner...

I told myself I'd turn over a new leaf once I started grad school. I'd read all of my assignments fully. I'd do the homework ahead of class. I wouldn't procrastinate on my papers. So far, I'm doing pretty well, except for the paper part. I'd rather not worry about that part. It's not even a difficult paper... I guess I just have this mental block about it. I worried that my work won't be good enough. I worried that once I write it, I'm officially in this thing. I'm officially accepting that I'm going to miss out on the other things. But I am missing out on those things. It's a reality. So I must write the paper. (Don't worry, I haven't procrastinated that much yet. Tomorrow morning I can maybe redeem myself... maybe.)

I think I'll start to get more into the swing of everything come Sunday. Tomorrow night I'm going out to camp for a while. I know I'll probably miss some things going on with my cohort, but I really feel like it's something I need to do. I just miss it. I haven't been there since February, and everything about this time of year makes me think about it. It will be a nice bit of closure until I can visit again. Then on Sunday we have a mini-retreat. Everyone in the program will finally be here (we've been missing the second and third years for two weeks now.) We won't have any more days off (they've been nice, but I find it hard to force myself to socialize when I meet people... I need the forced togetherness at first.) Monday we start a new class that goes every afternoon for three weeks. Also during those three weeks the first years will be aiding at a Jesuit middle school for boys every other day. We'll have community dinners every week night and a spirituality class two nights a week. It will be busy, but I think I need busy right now. I need something that draws me in completely so I stop worrying about everything else.

Saint Jude - Pray for me.

Moral turpitude

I know what I'm signing on for as I prepare to start teaching in a Catholic school. I recognize there is just some literature, poetry, material that I won't be allowed to teach. But to be honest with you, I'm not convinced I'd be allowed to teach those things elsewhere in the state, and I'm not convinced I need to teach those pieces of writing in order to help my students learn, live or become better people. Shortly, I won't be able to teach any material that directly conflicts with the teachings of the Catholic church. Is that problematic? Yes, in a lot of ways. But, like I said, I know what I'm signing on for.

And really, it's not that limiting. I can still teach about social justice. I can still teach about world religions. I can still fuel the fire of inquiry. I just might have to work a little bit harder at times. Can I teach that Catholicism is wrong? NO. Do I want to? NO. Come on, it's a Catholic school. I'm not there to simply teach, and my students won't be there to simply learn. Bigger things are in place at Catholic schools. My argument is not that Catholic schools necessarily provide better education; rather, they provide a deeper sense of meaning without the restrictions of a public school. And to support that type of learning environment, I need to be on board with the expectations of Catholic teachers. I want to be on board with the expectations of Catholic teachers.

When Catholic teachers sign their contracts, there's a clause called moral turpitude. It requires Catholic school teachers to maintain a lifestyle that exemplifies the teachings of the Catholic church, regardless of that teacher's religious beliefs. If a Catholic school teacher does not fulfill this pledge of moral turpitude, he or she could be fired for a breach of contract.

An article recently ran in the Des Moines Register about a teacher who was fired for this contractual violation. I saw an argument on Facebook about the article. While I feel bad for this teacher and the situation she finds herself in now, I feel as though she had the responsibility to maintain her contractual obligations. It's an unfortunate situation either way. I'd love to hear other opinions.

The heart of the matter...

... is the matter of the heart.

"Catholic schools aren't there to make our young upwardly mobile. Nor to assure them of a wrinkle-free life. Nor to offer them security. They're there precisely to take all that away from them. They're there to lure them to give up security and come out onto the road." - Father William J. O'Malley, S.J.

"We don't serve people because they are Catholic. We serve people because we are Catholic." - Bishop Gordon D. Bennett, S.J.

Just some thoughts on today.